she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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