you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
