And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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