There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
