My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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