You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
