dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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