Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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