No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
