some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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