so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
