The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do herpes really smell.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize