i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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