i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
