did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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