you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
