buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
