oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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