shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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