Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
