I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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