I love black thongs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
