My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
