Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
