Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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