I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
