I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
