So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
