It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize