Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
