Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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