im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
