I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
