as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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