Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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