I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize