: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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