what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
