mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
