Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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