I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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