life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
