I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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