THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
