there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
