he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My vagina just recognized that song.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
