Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
