So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
