I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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