I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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