your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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