He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
