I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just pee around me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
