Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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