Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
