At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
