my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
