That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
