Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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