Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You are a booty call, not a friend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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