Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
