what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
