I wish i was in the wii world.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
