yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
