So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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