Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
