The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
