I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
