I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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