I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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