remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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