apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
